I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
