but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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