Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
