So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
