please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
