atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize