May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize