i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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