I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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