I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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