thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
