On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
