Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
