she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
