Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
