he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize