remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
