Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
