hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize