Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
