battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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