Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
