Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
