kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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