Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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