You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
