just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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