I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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