normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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