I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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