I looked at my own cervix.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
