Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
how drunk are you?
Several
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
