Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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