He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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