Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
