I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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