Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
