better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
