How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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