i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize