hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
