hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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