Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Found the puke drawer
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
