Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
