The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
