OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
