All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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