Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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