GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
