i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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