I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
