Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
