i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh god it's open bar.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
