I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize