can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
