jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
