I think i peed on brittanys purse
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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