you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
