I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
