Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
