Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
