i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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