so that wasnt chicken after all
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
