Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
