God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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