They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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