too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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