So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize