11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize