I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
