i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
