Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
