My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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