You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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