Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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