i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
