meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize