Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
