I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
