I bet he comes in French.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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