halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
