Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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