By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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