Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
