you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
