as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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