he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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