Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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