you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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