took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
