just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
