I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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