I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
