Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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