omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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