Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
