Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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