just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
