How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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