please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
