I'm so fucking centered right now
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
