i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize