I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
