Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
