I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
