oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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