Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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