i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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